So my mother wishes to turn my childhood bedroom into some kind of Home-and-Garden's fantasy. I was immediately outraged, because just last month, I was in respite and whilst I was there, she tore apart my room. Literally - she even tore up my carpet. True, it was filthy. But we had a deal that I had until the end of the month to do it myself or she would help me. She broke her promise with no warning, even though she knows how sick it makes me feel whenever there is any significant enviormental change done to any part of the house - not mention my own bedroom. And I had never given her permission to ever destroy my carpet.

Now, a few months ago, I moved into the guest room because I wanted a place more mature and to make my own, in partial as trying to get my life together since I cannot yet move out of my mother's house. This may seem odd, but it seemed like a reasonable situation, considering that we never have anyone over the house.

While in respite, once I had found out what she had done, I went completely batshit. I was throwing myself into the wall, calling her phone and shouting messages of all sorts, with threats of destruction to her possesions and to her career, calling her a "lying, bleeding cunt."

I was also offended and deeply hurt that, on top of the rest, she immediately threatened to call the police on me when she told me. She threatened to have me "locked up" in an mental institution if I misbehaved when I got home.

My mother is the only person I felt I could trust. And she had violated that trust. I felt that she had taken advantage of me being in respite to perfect her household. She had chosen a house over my well-being, after I had downed Klonopin with alcohol.

So today, when she told me - not inquired - but TOLD me of her plans to start completely destroying my childhood room, I had a full-blown tantrum. I told her she was being cruel, insensitive, and unfair. For I have no say in what she does. And she knows how doing this will make me feel.

This time, I grabbed her arm and dug my nails into her. And then I kicked her ankle. And then, I spit on her.

I'll admit I have a temper, but I have never gone so far. She left the hosue and it's been hours. I am deeply hurt. I am disgusted in both she and myself.